FAQ

New People:

Q: So, where are you from originally?
A: I grew up in Yellowstone Park

Q: Wow, really?
A: Yes.

Q: Inside Yellowstone Park?
A: Yes.

Q: How did you get so lucky?
A: My father's cool.

Q: Huh? What does your father do for a living?
A: When I was a kid, he worked for the National Park Service as a Plant Ecologist. Since he works for the government, they change the his title and the name of his division every four years or so. I'm not really sure what it is right now.

Q: So you lived next door to Yogi Bear?
A: This question confuses me. I'm never sure which answer to give, so I'll list the various ones that always come to mind:

• Yes.
• No, I live in the real world, not a cartoon.
• No, he lived in Jellystone Park, that's different
• Yes, and we had no electricity.
• Yes, but it's a very sensitive subject. I'd rather not talk about it.

Q: What's that title your dad has?
A: Plant Ecologist.

Q: No, the other one.
A: Wildfire Behavior Specialist?

Q: Yeah, but the cool one.
A: The smokejumpers called Wildfire Behavior Specialists the Firegods.

Q: Why?
A: Wildfire behavior specialists study forest fires. One of the reasons they do this is so that they can help the smokejumpers figure out where to... uh, jump. The wildfire behavior specialists study the weather and the terrain and the vegetation and they make predictions about what the fire is going to do tomorrow. It's a long title, and smokejumpers aren't known for their loquatiousness, so they shorten it to Firegod. "The firegod said it will jump that ridge this afternoon. Don't stand over there."

Q: That is so cool.
A: Yeah. I'm the daughter of a firegod. Back off.

Q: What were you doing in the big city?
A: I went out to see what the "real world" was like.

Q: What did you think of it?
A: I think it's as bad as it looked on TV.

Q: Now that you're back in the woods, are you going to stay?
A: Pretty much, yeah. I'm going to give it a try. My marketable skills aren't quite as conducive to it as my father's are.

Q: Did you like the big city?
A: I like skyscrapers. They're cool.

Q: What do you like about Chicago?
A: The lake. Except that it's polluted.

Q: What do you like about the Midwest?
A:

Q: Oh, come on. There must be something.
A: Prairie and bison herds that stretch as far as the eye can see.

Q: How did you get into computers?
A: There are usually a couple of screws on the back of the case you can start with.

Q: Ha ha. How did you get into computers?
A: I've always loved computers. My dad likes computers too, and I started out playing around on his TRS-80. I loved it when I could go to work with him and watch his computer talk on the telephone with another computer in Denver.

Q: How long have you been doing Internet stuff?
A: 1992

Q: Geek.
A: I try, but am easily out-geeked.

Q: Who's the biggest celebrity you've met face to face?
A: Kieth Hamilton Cobb is a big guy. So is Kevin Sorbo.

Q: But, like, household name?
A: Richard Simmons, I guess. Everybody knows his name.

Q: Woah! What's he like in real life?
A: About like you'd expect, only moreso.

Q: What do you want to do when you grow up?
A: Do I have to?

Q: What's the weirdest web site you've worked on?
A: Richard Simmons'

Q:
A: Yeah. Making a living as an HTML hack, project manager and writer aint purty.

Friends and Family:

Q: How's your health?
A: Some days are better than others, but I'm generally doing a thousand times better than this time last year.

Q: Has anyone figured out what's really wrong with you?
A: The acupuncture lady says I need to get my Chi moving and keep my Shen balanced. The traditional western doctors say it's a nervous system disorder they can't do anything about. They prescribe exersize and a stress-free lifestyle.

Q: What made you sick?
A: I was a workaholic in a stressful company. Let this be a lesson to you. Stress may kill you later, but it'll make you very very sick now, no matter how well you think you're handling it.

Q: How was your weekend?
A: I've still got laundry to do.

Q: How's the freelance business treating you?
A: When it rains, it pours. I don't mind as long as I have a bucket that can carry me through the dry times.

Q: What's the housing situation?
A: I'm house hunting. Or maybe I'm building my dreamhouse. I dunno yet.

Q: How are the pets?
A: I just have pet projects at the moment. The doberman was just a foster dog. The stray cats have all been adopted by other people. The gerbils died of old age. I didn't keep the bat as a pet.

Q: When are you going to e-mail me those pictures you scanned for me?
A: Any day now.

Q: How's the book going?
A: The publishing world moves at a snail's pace.

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