FAQ Archive

This is where FAQ questions go to die. Sometimes when I update the FAQ I just can't bring myself to completely delete some of the funny questions/answers from my past.

New People 1996-2003:

Q: What are you doing in the big city?
A: I came out to see what "real life" is like.

Q: What do you think of it?
A: I think it's as bad as it looked on TV.

Q: Why don't you go back to the woods?
A: I'm on my way, but I'm on my time schedule, not yours.

Friends:

Q: Can I borrow your car?
A: Hop in, I'll drive you.

Q: Where's the mortgage check?
A: Around here somewhere.

Q: Why are you still at work?
A: Because my clients are all in LA and I'm two time zones ahead of them.

Q: How was your weekend?
A: I've still got laundry to do.

Q: Why haven't I heard from you lately?
A: I work too much.

Q: Do you like the guy I'm dating now?
A: Not that way.

Family:

Q: When are you going to come visit?
A: When I win the lottery.

Q: How's the house?
A: Great, now that the new windows are in and the heat is fixed. Want to help me paint?

Q: How's the garden?
A: Better than last year. It looks like I didn't kill the roses yet. I bought three plants and put them in the ground. Two died.

Q: How's the book going?
A: I killed a guy yesterday. The bodycount just keeps rising.